One of the hardest days

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. After 14 months to the day, we said goodbye to a precious piece of our family. While she will be loved and cared for by her new forever family, a piece of us is missing. We waited most of the day for it to happen, and she was extra snuggled and loved the week leading up to it. I will not forget all the "HUGGIES" she gave us all with those wide open arms, the accompanying pats on the back, or the spontaneous "mwahs"  placed on us for no reason other than she loves us! (Her word for kisses)

I had her all packed up and was sick to my stomach watching the clock tick away the minutes, and of course it was 45 minutes after the time she was supposed to leave leaving that tiny ray of hope "maybe they changed their minds?!!", but alas, up rolled Uncle to take her away. She is oblivious to it all, thinking in her curly head that this was another bi-weekly visit. I could see Uncle was sad to be breaking her away from us, and he told Scott he was dreading this day having her say goodbye. I really appreciate that, and the fact that he said to me "we could not have asked for a better family for her to have been cared for than you." Scott helped him pack the car while I stayed inside to snuggle a few more minutes, and then we walked out to hand her off. I admit to sobbing on Uncle's shoulder and telling him to take care of this baby. I don't remember the pronoun I used.. my baby? because that is how I feel... and although crying makes me feel weak (and gives me a headache!!),  his own tears showed me that he cares, and how much he loves her, and it is okay to be vulnerable. I kissed her one last time and he asked if I wanted to put her in her carseat to which I told him no, he could do it, and I walked away. Scott was still there, and the boys were playing outside, and I don't know if they waved her off or not, but I couldn't watch her drive away.

I know this was God's plan, and I am accepting of His plan as I know He was gracious enough to place her in our family for so long, and I am allowed to be broken hearted at the same time. A tiny little body that is packed full of joy is gone from my home forever...