Full

I am so full of joy, pain, worry, excitement, anger, frustration, peace, amazement, confusion... If it is an emotion it is most likely in there somewhere... envy, Yep, I got that one, too.

You get one life on this earth, and with that life you make a make a lot of decisions. No do-overs. Many times in the process I have thought "If I had this to do all over again I would..." But nope, it is not ever going to be the same to do over again. We MAY adopt again somehow, someway, but it will not be in place of the wheels we already have in motion! We made choices, and we will forever live with those choices (I am NOT second guessing our adoption or DRC in any way, and if I had it to do over again I would not change either of those decisions, in case you were concerned I was thinking we are in way over our heads!)

I read daily, and discuss DRC related topics with a very active group of ladies and gentleman who have made a choice such as ours- to bring an orphan into their forever family. I was reading yesterday of a couple who went to pick up their son and he had to have some jiggers removed from his foot. His wife nearly fainted watching him in so much pain from the removal of  them, but thankful he will be fine as he got treatment and will now be given shoes, and taken to a place where no such thing is a concern. I then watched this : http://www.digidrift.com/jiggers-chigoe-flea-the-hidden-african-killer/. I watch, disgusted, saddened, angry, helpless... I just can not wrap my head around the fact we all live in the same world. How can we sit here in the lap of luxury with our laptops and cell phones and cup of Starbucks and SHOES of every kind sitting in our closets while people live like that because they have no other choice! I learned of an organization called Sole Hope which helps shoe people in Uganda and Zambia, to prevent this from happening. In case anyone else is interested in not only thinking "these poor people" and may want to help them! What about this: We need you! Host a shoe cutting party in your home, organization, or church.  We will send you everything you need to organize and host a shoe cutting party where you will have the chance to cut out shoe uppers that will be taken to Africa, sewn by Sole Hope shoemakers for a fair wage and then put on a child's foot who cannot afford a pair of shoes.  Order a shoe party packet here and for more info email Ashley at Ashley@solehope.com . We’ll also be offering volunteer days very soon, so sign up here if you want to receive notice of upcoming opportunities. I would not link to this site if I had not already given:)

And then driving down the road I start thinking about the family of little boys and "maybe we should never have had children..." Maybe we should not have 'added to the population' and adopted all of our kids instead?! Is it selfish to birth baby after baby? (Of COURSE NOT!!! This is just what crazy brain does to me!) I NEVER regret having any of the children we have, but sometimes my brain just gets these ideas and questions... and "how can I get people to be as passionate about orphans as I am?!" as frankly, most people are so wrapped up in their comfy 2.5 children and a dog and cute clothes and comfortable home that ORPHANS are the least of their thoughts, and I can not change that no matter how much I pray and grieve and smear my children in their face. But God sees. He loves like no other, and I need to remember it is HE that works in the hearts of others, and I am just a tiny speck in the book He had written before my dot was present on this earth! God will use me in ways that I am sure I haven't even thought of, and He does not want me to sit around bitter, frustrated, and crazy at Americans:)

And the sad thing? The envy I mentioned being one of my emotions... well, I am in a way envious of those who are unconcerned, and go about their "easy" happy lives with their two perfect children in perfect clothes with lavish vacations and not a care in the world. In reality many of those of people will ultimately not be happy, and will live a life void of a key to true joy which is a relationship with their Creator, but there are plenty of Christians who also live their life in much the same way. And I am sure to ruffle feathers and have a random person read this and think "Is she talking about me?!" and be offended, but rest assured, I am not talking about you. "You" probably don't care enough to be even following along in our adoption journey which is what this blog is all about!

So for those that read along, thank you for caring. Thank you for supporting us emotionally, in prayer, with your donations, and with your thoughtful words. And forgive me, a simple emotional woman who may have tears drip down her face at a red light for no apparent reason. That's it. I am full. May I please be excused?