I guess it's been a while since I have blogged, but in a strange set of events, not too much has changed! Well of course so much has happened in 4 years, but that same baby who we welcomed into our home on September 18, 2018, is still in our home, and still in foster care. First off, this is HIGHLY unacceptable! Yet we as foster parents have nothing to do about it, but love him, care for him, and pray. He is a great kid. He hit all his milestones on target, and has been a happy and healthy kid, dealing with all the craziness that our home has to offer, and going with the flow like a member of the family. His bio mom had her rights terminated about a year ago, but of course she appealed, and has convenient excuse upon excuse as to why the court date needed to be continued. Among these excuses were her sickness, her mother's sickness, her children's sickness (because yes, she has had TWO more children who she still has custody of...), a broken tow, and death of one of the attorneys! (That last one is a bit legit, the others not so much) We head back to the courtroom on Monday, for what I pray will be the final hearing so the case can move to adoption, and Z can get the permanency he so greatly needs!
We chose long ago to not be the forever home for him for a multitude of reasons, and now that we are actually facing the idea of him leaving our answer hasn't changed, but my heart breaks at having the conversation with him that he is leaving. He is 5 now, and while we head to court, he heads to his first day in Kindergarten (which is super pumped about!). We have prepared him well for kindergarten- socialized him, taught him routines and rules and manners and kindness, switched daycares when his old two were not the best options, bought him all his school supplies, prepped his new shoes, backpack, lunch box, clothes, attended Kindergarten playdates. He is READY.
But how do you sit down with a 5 year old who only remembers living here, with us, and tell him he is leaving to go with another Mommy and Daddy? How do we tell him THIS time it will be forever, when he asks us on a fairly regular basis "Are you going to by my Daddy forever?" and we answer as best we can... Nothing is forever. No one will live in this house forever. Avery is almost ready to go to college and move out, then Bennett, etc. One day the house will be too big and Mommy and Daddy won't live here anymore. We don't want to adopt you as there is too much mental illness in your blood and some days we can barely handle the children/teens who we DO have forever and can't consciously decide that we are the best parents for you, and kids are expensive and we like having babies and don't want to raise another child for 18 years plus life, and we enjoy being foster parents but there is no room for little ones if we keep you, and adopted kids have issues and we already have two with adoptive/race confusion issues and just have too much on our plate. But we love you. Of course we love you... And yes I feel like a terrible person and world's worst mother for having those thoughts, but this is supposed to be honest, right? Not that I hope Z will ever read it!
It has been a wonderful, but frustrating 4 years. Frustration by a poor first social worker who I believe dropped the ball and screwed things up greatly. Yes I reported her and she no longer works for the county. It was serious. Frustrated by bio mom having more babies which caused more delays as "how am I supposed to get a job/finish school/xyz as I'm pregnanyt/on bed rest/have a baby to take care of". Frustrated by Covid putting pauses and delays on things. Frustrated at the county/social worker for not being forthcoming with information and lying to us about things regarding his permanency/adoption plan. (of which we have ZERO input, and know ZERO about, despite being told we would be part of the process and then I hear a family has already been identified, but the family WE selected and have a close/neighbor relationship with, they get told they are being fired for being foster parents before they have even had a placement because they want to adopt Z?! Since when is loving a child and having a relationship a negative thing?! So many things screwed up with the system and this lovely little boy's case. It's not FAIR.
And not that anyone reads this now, or possibly ever, if you run across the blog, please send up a prayer for August 22/23 for termination hearing to be heard and a decision to be made. Pray for the conversation that we will at some date have to have with Z before he leaves our home. Pray for our children, Mikaiah especially, who will be losing their little brother of 4 years. Pray for us, Scott especially, who will be losing a son. Pray for the chosen adoptive family, that they are 100% equipped to deal with him and his big emotions and all this trauma this prolonged case will have on his psyche for life.
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