Why?

Sometimes I stop and ask myself- Why? You may ask that, too, and I can't really answer it... Why do I/we feel so compelled to have 5 children, and choose to adopt one? Why did we choose a country like Bulgaria where the chance to get an infant is not possible? Why did we decide to chunk all the kids close together? I don't know!! I am sure God knew what He was doing when he drummed the idea into my brain, and I sure pray He is there to hold my hand every day until the end! And when I say end I am not referring to the end of the adoption, as we all know that is just the beginning!

For some reason I have been thinking about Bulgaria as not the only option, and today I looked closer at Congo. I talked to our agency briefly about it and it isn't a problem at this point to change countries, and then I talked to Scott and we came to the decision that maybe we could adopt 2 from Congo and forego our planned next biological?!! I am so confused... I REALLY like this idea, as I love the idea of a Congo child having a Congo sibling. But am I 100% okay with Everett being my last pregnancy and birth?! What happens if I am pregnant right now? I know that the home study organization will not do a hs for Congo if I am pregnant, as the process is so much faster in the Congo than for Bulgaria, and we could get a much younger child (most likely under one year old), and they require more gap between kids... so I guess no firm decision will be until this month is up... Then most likely we will switch to the Congo program unless I am pregnant in which case we will 1)choose a different home study OR 2)stick with Bulgaria. I am sure there is a great reason that it was picked, but it could be the agency that was picked and Bulgaria was just an option... Can someone just TELL us what to do?!

But I know God will be there, my wonderful husband will be there, and a support system of friends and (hopefully!) family will be there to help along the way! It will be busy, it will be interesting, it will be challenging, it will be fun, it will be rewarding, it will be loud, it will probably not be envied by most, but it is the life God has laid out for us and we will embrace it and do all we can to raise up the children in a home that honors and loves God and each other. Well, that is the goal anyway... we have a long way to go!

So God, please lead us in the way we should go!