Feeling a bit blue, not how I thought to be feeling today. Monday morning I got a call that baby was not going to be released as she did not have a good weekend, and they hoped to release her soon or maybe a week. I was so READY so that came as a shock. The sw said she was touch base every other day, so me in my(not) patience waited until Wednesday afternoon to call her, and she called back and left a message to basically say "baby is still in the hospital" which in MY crazy head means "we may be releasing her to you later but may be releasing her to someone else so all the work and prayer and mental re-organization that you have gone through may all be for naught but don't worry, we'll let you know". And perhaps it just means that baby is still in the NICU and no change and it will still be a week so I get a "free" weekend and baby craziness will hit us on Monday. But my mind and heart are all over the place. I drive by the hospital at least 3 times a week and so far this week every day I have shed a tear as I just want to go in there and at least HOLD her (which I can't do as the county doesn't have jurisdiction until her release and now bm/bf CAN visit, which they don't, so no one can visit because that would be a bad situation if they came and found me holding her without sw present to mediate. I understand, it just frustrates me!
So there is the update. Not the one I had hoped to give. I wanted to tell you about being tired from newborn nights and doing so much laundry of tiny outfits and how does one baby have so many appointments, etc.... Praying I can save that for next week?!
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